Happy ________ day, federal monkey!!

I hope everyone had an awesome Thanksgiving and an even better Black Friday. With Cyber Monday rolling around the corner as well as Christmas & New Years, I wanted to make another useless point. Why the heck doesn't the federal government just say everyday is some sort of holiday?

Yes, this is another ranting about crap, please proceed with caution, or simply hit alt-f4 or ctrl-w if you're a multi-tabber like me.

I notice that a lot of different people that I ran into outside of my home smiled and said, "happy Thanksgiving." These people were complete strangers that I do not recall ever meeting previously. I too, give holiday greetings on the federal mandated days off and the occasional state holiday. On the other hand, I also give friendly greetings on regular Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Regular Tuesdays and Thursdays don't apply, days that start with "T" sometimes feel offensive to me for some reason. Maybe it's the fact that an uppercase "T" sort of resembles my sign, a Libra. Seeing another Libra may be the reason for it all, who knows, then again, I guess it really doesn't matter. I have no idea about Sunday either.

Getting back on track, on regular days in which the federal government has not decreed it as sacred for some reason, people, in my experience, tend to be generally, well, mean. When the postal workers have a day off to go contemplate the meaning of life (42 by the way), everyone else seems to be in a better mood as well. Drivers pause and allow you to get in front of them during traffic, people hold doors open and smile at the same time, neighbors all wave to you as you drive by and telemarketers understand what "no" means the first time they hear it. On Boxing day, everyone else in the civilized world seems to be happy, but back here at home, you get cutoff in the parking lot, no entrance openings in traffic, thicker than usual bird crap on your car, the rental you really want at Blockbuster is completely sold out and the line into the gas station will burn more gas idling than driving to the next town to fill up.

If everyday was a federal holiday, you would be able to have a Black Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, any day, however day, whichever day and whatever day. Imagine all the sales you could take advantage of! 50% off of an item that has been marked up 300% is only a markup of 50%. 70% off of an item that has been marked up 500% is a net markup of only 50% as well. What a steal! >_> Retailers wouldn't have to dub a certain day of the year as the day they finally turn a profit, they would never be in the red. Retailers would be in the black, year round. With that case in point, the aforementioned Black Monday, Black Tuesday, etc, would simply be called Monday, Tuesday, etc. All this hoopla about a "special" sales day after a federally mandated holiday is the government's way of saying, "spend money to boost the economy, you call it Black Friday, we'll call it, Friday."

Being a hero, oh

Our second car had a blown out headlight the other day. I, doing the responsible and mature thing, went out the next day to get a new headlight from Walmart. In Walmart, a plethora of headlights were available from standard bulbs to super-duper, barely street legal, ultra bright yet seemingly blueish bulbs. Being that the price difference between a standard bulb at 5.50 a piece, was much cheaper than the high end shinier packaged bulb at 30 some odd dollars, I went with the cheaper bulb. My reasoning is that if it wasn't ample enough as measured in lumens, they wouldn't sell it. Of course this may be trusting a huge monster of a retail organization to do the right thing for the very same people that make it a huge monster of a retail organization. Anyhow, I got the cheaper bulb.

Installing a headlight bulb is very simple, as long as you have small hands. Aiming a headlight is a totally different story, but is easy in itself as well. Case in point, I opted to install the new bulbs, yes I bought two. I figured that I might as well replace both, so I don't have one of those cock-eyed cars with a super bright right headlight and a dim, crappy, brown looking left headlight. As some of you may know, I now have long hair, shoulder length, with a bit of a wave to it, to be more descriptive. I figured that if I was going to be reaching into the engine to be able to access the bulb holding apparatus and extremely tightly placed retaining clip, I should probably tie my hair back so that I don't get any hair in my eyes.

The areas of skull hair that reside towards the front of my head are not as lengthy as the hair on the sides and back of my head. Whenever I put my hair in a ponytail, the front hairs do a little prison break from the ponytail band and dangle freely in the front of my face as I lean forward. This, of course, happened while I was reaching into the engine, leaned forward, with my face parallel to the Walmart parking lot ground, as I was trying to reach a retaining clip. This madness ensued for about 5 minutes until I heard footsteps walking toward me in a delicate, yet confident demeanor. I could tell that the person walking toward me was wearing boots and was on a vector heading directly towards my bent over head, from the opposite side of the hood of the car.

"Excuse me, MA'AM. Do you have a tow truck coming? Do you need any help?"

Yes, some man had just walked up to me as I was bent over, leaning into the engine of a car, trying to reach my hands through a tight space to reach a FREAKING RETAINER CLIP so I could change a simple headlight bulb and called me MA'AM.....

I looked up in dismay and the first reaction the man gave me was sheer horror as I said, "naw, I'm good, thanks though.."

The man stammered a bit then said, plain as day with a solemn poker face, "oh." Then turned around, walked away and headed for his car.

I pondered deeply for about five seconds and peeked around the cover of the engine hood to catch another glimpse of the ego destroyer. He was pretty close to who I would assume was his wife, as he made a gesture towards her then nodded so subtly. The wife then reacted to his motions with laughter and general entertained bodily movements which included thigh slaps and pointing.

I replaced both bulbs within two minutes after that.