Gimme MMOre

There are quite a few great MMO games out there. There are some that you pay a monthly fee for, and there are some that you play for free. The trick is to get you sucked in so that you spend as much time as possible playing on, or logged into the game. There are those who powerlevel and become level 2389475627836 dark druid warrior magi grinders, and there are those who just log in to chat with online buddies. The powerlevelers come in all shapes and sizes. Some are your stereotypical gamers as portrayed by the movie "Gamer", huge slobbish forms that play as g.i.r.l.s (guy in real life) in-game. There are also gamers that are quite athletic as well. A gamer nowadays actually means anyone really.

Facebook has forged social networking with mindless clicking to farm virtual cow patties in an endless endeavor to expand something completely virtual.

First person shooter games have built up to a point where ranking individuals compete for the top spot in some huge conglomerate's online spreadsheet.

Why do we burden ourselves with such nonsense? Douglas Adams was correct..The mice control us. By the way, since you're going to quit now, can I have your stuff?

Coffee Candid-uh-see

'Tis the season to knock on doors, wave signs at busy intersections and proudly debate your favorite candidates for public office. It seems there's always a hot debate on the table that candidates focus their agenda to during campaign season. Politicians rarely speak of the "change" that they will impose on policy once already in office. It's all about the campaigning before the vote and the politicians know this. Whether you're democratic, republican, tea party patriot, green, socialist or even libertarian paternalist, you're probably well aware of the campaign agenda hype. Say what everyone wants to hear and you're in. Once you're in, it's hard to change the status quo, then politicians look even worse because they didn't succeed in doing what their campaign promised.

I personally don't blame them, the way I see it, they're just doing their job. A lot of people practice this. Imagine if you did exactly what you do at work, just at home. Of course this may be the case in some situations, but what about careers where you have to be someone completely different from who you actually are. Imagine working at a customer service counter in any retail establishment. All day, you hear customer complaints about products or services. You are well mannered and retain any expletives to yourself, then address the customer as if both parties are having a calm conversation, even though the other party is not. If this were to happen within your own home, or your car for you road-ragers, you would probably speak your mind, quite frankly as a matter of fact. The problem that is being addressed here, is that jobs and careers shouldn't change people. Wouldn't life be so much simpler if everyone were just themselves, even while they worked. The solution is in the coffee...

If I were running for government office, an interview of myself would be like so.

"Mr. Sicat, how do you feel about our current economy?" asks a reporter.

"Well, our current economy is the same as it always has been. Good for some, bad for others. Expecting the same results with all of your daily activities without regard to the state of your region's financial stability is definitive cause for failure. If you are not synchronized with your surroundings, you're bound to stick out one way or another," I'd reply.

"Since you dodged that question, how are you going to better our educational system?"

"I'd raise taxes and funnel that extra income directly into the board of education's fiscal budget," I'd reply.

"Raise taxes?"

"Yeah, raise taxes. Where else is the money gonna come from? If the people want better public education for their children, then pay for it," I'd reply.

"Mr. Sicat, you do understand that raising taxes is a direct means to put your opponent in a better position to take the seat that you are running for, right?"

"I'm well aware of that. Money doesn't just appear out of the blue."

"Alright, moving on, are you pro-choice or not?"

"I could care less. What does a medical decision have to do with budgeting a government?" I'd reply.

The interviewer glares at me, then asks, "Mr. Sicat, are you seriously running for office? The answers you have provided me are something I would hear during a morning conversation at the office coffee machine. If you want to gain voter's trust, you'll have to answer the questions truthfu.......ahem, I see."

I would then moonwalk away and bob my head to an imaginary (black) Michael Jackson beat.

Fontophile

Working on different machines and brands definitely has it's benefits. You get multi-versed in different engineering designs and experience different clientèle. For example, maintaining high end servers puts you in enterprise class server farms, workstations in office settings, gaming rigs puts you into the depths of pizza box hell and rooms that smell like butt (for the most part), and Apple MacPros puts you into fanboy shrines dedicated to Steve Jobs and anything resembling white fruits.

The different engineering designs are pretty consistent amongst the brands. Most Dell lappys you work from the keyboard down. Sony lappys, bottom up. Apple components, well, let's just say, bring your entire toolkit, it's an adventure every time. I truly believe that Apples are designed from the outside in (in Cupertino - heehee). I envision an aesthetician drawing up a design, showing the design to Mr. Jobs, Mr. Jobs says, "make it white with shiny parts and then take it to engineering."

The aesthetician revises the design, takes it down to engineering (why  is it always "take it DOWN to engineering", why not take it UP to engineering, or OVER?),  and says, "here, make this work."

The engineers say, "ok, what the heck is this supposed to be?"

The aesthetician says, "it's an i_____".

"Oh, I understand now," states the engineer.

In the Apple engineering department there are no service technicians present. This is quite obvious because of the hundred of different screw and fastener types within each Apple. The Dell engineering department is comprised of all service technicians. When you open a machine from Dell, usually all you need is one tool, yourself. Yes, you tool, you can too, service Dells.

Enough about machines, aesthetics and engineering! Let's observe the different sociopaths behind the machines. Apple fanboys are easy to work with, just slam every other manufacturer and praise the worthless piece of junk iPad and you're in, buddy! Server administrators are a bit more complicated to deal with. Every once in a while, during your conversation, mutter the words "DEC VAX" and "Clipper" every once in a while. You may look like a fool, but you'll look like a kinda-techno-geek extra-ordin-possibly. Only the author of this prose may use the title, "Technogeek Extraordinaire." Gamers are extremely easy to work with. Regionally, the types may differ. In the region of pineapples and burnt tourists, just say one word before and after every sentence, "dude!"

For example, "dude, my name is mud and I'm here to fix your computer, dude."

"Dude, right on dude. Come on in, leave your shoes on dude, it's kinda messy. I'm in the process of moving, dude!"

"Dude, ok, where's your computer, dude?"

Yes, it's true, this has gained the customer's trust in field technicians many, many, many times, dude.

Office employees are generally easy to work with on any occasion. Fix the problem, and you've saved the day. Or that's what they say at least. They usually would much rather be doing nothing than working on their mindless spreadsheets and memos to post in the breakroom. This is the case except for that one person who wants the font on a printout to be printed 26 micrometers over to the right. No matter what you do, software or hardware-wise, you can't nail down 26 micrometers to the right. 25 micrometers, no problem, 27 micrometers, elementary, 26, not happening.

"Ma'am (or sir), no matter what I do, I can't meet your specification due to hardware and software limitations," you state.

"Well, it worked like this before," the "person" states.

"May I see an example of what you mean please?"

"Well, I don't have anything right now, but it always worked this way before you came in."

"The component I replaced was the power cord. That doesn't have anything to do with the font."

"Well, I'm not happy with the service. I need you to fix this, or I'll call "insert_major_manufacturer_CEO_name_here" and tell them what I think."

At this point, the choose your own adventure page would say something like, "to cuss at the person, go to page 245, to give the general customer service blowoff of I understand blah blah blah, go to page 371."

It's usually in your best interest to turn to page 371. Going to page 245 makes you feel really, really good though.

Check(ered flag)!

I have always been a pretty fast driver in parking structures, 25 MPH city streets, curvy roads and disastrously wet conditions. Nothing really compares as to driving fast on the highway with moderate traffic. It always was fun weaving between the truckers and buses. As I get older, I notice that I have slowed down quite a bit and drive more calculating than ever before. Instead of looking at the highway like a big road race, I see it more like a chessboard nowadays.

No, no, no, I'm not trying to say that everyone on the road is a pawn except me. I actually see myself as a pawn on the road.

When the big trucks are cruising along with the tour buses, it's like a rook and a bishop. They are nuts linearly, otherwise, they make great walls. Emergency vehicles are like the queen, any direction and as far and fast as they please. Motorcycles are like the knights, pretty noticeable until they maneuver. One second they're behind you, then you look down to read a text on your phone, next thing you know, they're a car-length ahead and in the left lane. Extremely cautious and defensive drivers are like the kings. You know exactly what I mean, you've seen them. The super slow driver that seems to stay 5 units under the speed limit and turn wherever and whenever the heck they please. You don't dare honk your horn or yell at them because you know that you should respect them. Well, that's what your elders always told you to do. Every other vehicle on the road is a pawn. We're all trying to get to our destination (the end of the board) and have to work around all the big dogs on the road. Every once in a while, we get stuck behind another pawn. Sure you overtook someone's position, but guess what, now there's another pawn in front of you.

You can't go left, there's no one to overtake and the opposing traffic didn't skip a space either (en passant). You can't go right because of the guardrail. You are at the mercy of the car in front of you. If they go faster, you go faster. If you get too close though, they might slow down just to anger you and force you to slow down as well. At this point, you already read their license plate and tried to figure out what the encrypted code means. ILV2CK, does it mean I love to cook, or does it mean I love two....nevermind. Get your mind out of the gutter and concentrate on your driving. All their bumper stickers have been imprinted in a special place on your grey matter as well as the shape of the driver's head and the color of their hair or hat. You've already figured out the model year of the vehicle and examined the paint on the trunk of the car. You also notice that you can see the driver's face in the side mirror of their car. This means that they have their mirror looking directly behind them as to see the side of their car in the side mirror, creating a pretty nasty blind spot in their 7 & 8 'o clock position. You wish that they would just speed up a bit, so you can get along your merry way and be free of the moving gridlock. At this point, you may or may not have slung some irrational rhetoric towards the person driving the car in front of you. They have no clue you are yelling at them and as they glance at you in their rear-view mirror, assume you are just singing along with the radio in your car. This whole time, the car behind has examined you in the same exact manner.

The moral of the story is:

Please think twice about vanity license plates. Someone else might construe a whole different meaning from it.

OCMCS!! (Oh Crap, My Cheap Stuff)

Owning property is a great feeling. When you own your own home, the responsibilities go through the roof (quite literally sometimes) from what your old landlord used to take care of. Well, the good landlords at least. Fixing leaks, changing door knobs and pulling Chewbacca-esque clumps of hair out of the drains are menial chores compared to the other caveats of having no one to accept repair responsibility but yourself.

Owning a car is slightly different. When your car needs repair, the first line of defense, in some cases, is the manufacturer's warranty. You check if the damaged component is covered. If so, you take your vehicle into an authorized warranty repair facility and badaboom, problem resolved. Otherwise, repair shops are widely available to screw you over and advise that the entire air conditioning system needs replacement and that it will cost three times the Kelly Blue Book value of your car.

Owning a slightly lesser value item such as a computer or fancy, over-hyped wireless phone is different all in itself. Warranty repairs are available, usually within the first year or 90 days, unless you purchase an extended warranty which covers less than the original manufacturer's warranty. When the device you purchased gets updated, such as the _Phone series from that temptational fruit manufacturer based in Cupertino, or the "dark-colored" -berry series from that Canadian company in Waterloo, you go out and replace your current device, because "everyone else" is going to get one yet nothing is wrong with your old device.

A beach towel, an old bag (no no, not that kind of old bag), cheap slippers (sleepahs) and a reusable plastic cup (one of the fancy types with a snap-on lid and bumpy straw) are financially more affordable, yet extremely more valuable. Let us presume that the mentioned items in this paragraph have a total bear market value of $20.73, which happens to be the INTC closing price of 8-4-2010. You probably purchased them in a local Walmart or any other conglomerate of that magnitude within the same industry. These items do not yield any quarterly dividends like the cash value equivalent of INTC stock. At home, there is no specified or functional use of these items in a collective manner. When you go to the beach, you are "M(r, s, rs). prepared" for a long and fruitful burning of your epidermal pigmentation under the celestial, thermal sphere of gas that second graders usually always draw in their pictures near the upper left or right corner of the page. Beach days would not be the same without these objects and you know this well. One of the reasons we go to the beach is to swim in the ocean to get wet. Some people get wet without water, but that's a whole different story. Far too many times, rain begins to pour from the sky while we're at the beach. We don't mind if we get rained on because we're already wet, but our stuff?!?! Our $20.73 worth of non dividend paying, Walmart bargain isle junk cannot be put through such vile waterboarding torture. What do some of us do? We leave the beach to save our junk from getting wet. Meh..