As I drink a horrific substitute for Guinness...blue mountain thermally activated scratch & sniff Coors Light, I remember a job I did today. The job was to work on a printer for an office with a....let's just say a celestially positioned ranking military officer. For those unable to infer correctly with my mindset, the Hollywood walk of fame has a ton of them on the ground, this guy wears one on his collar.
I go into the office with a spectacular attitude, loving life, living in weather of perfection and confident in my technical and social abilities. I have a conversation with my technical escort into the area and begin working on the machine. I understand the issue and work diligently to resolve it. As I'm working, one of the employees within the same office began gawking about taking bets on if the machine will work correctly after I work on it. I continue working diligently to resolve the issue and the same office employee starts to joke about the company that I am currently representing and the level of expertise required to turn a screwdriver and replace parts.
I am significantly, unequivocally, undeniably, quite discernibly human. At this point in hearing this moron's mockery, I am quite furious and am at a point of domestic verbal abuse of this troglodyte. I, being the consummate professional that I am, hold my personal feelings back and simply ignore the idiosyncrasy of the moron stuck behind a desk all day. I finish the job and leave, without uttering any sentiment of feeling, even though my mind was on the verge of explosion in trying to retain the morally demeaning comments I felt that I should share with the individual.
The moral of the story is, if you are a desk jockey and feel the need to demean service people that work in your office on occasion, I love you. What, are you confused? Yes, I utterly love you. I mean this in the most compassionate way possible, without actually giving you a ring and asking you to marry me. I love you because every time you turn your head to look at that clock tick time by the millisecond, I am outside enjoying the weather as I cruise to the next temporary workplace. Being a field type of person, I get to enjoy different surroundings, stop by the beach for some fresh air whenever I feel like it, have a coffee that isn't prepared the same way, EVERYDAY, and I don't have to sit at a desk, wondering what to do to pretend like I'm busy so as to show that I am a needed employee. I love the fact that you are miserable and I am happy. I understand that some people are extremely happy with working at a desk all day. These are also the same people that do not demean other people and are well respected within the office.
"Me think you no can fix 'da widget. Me think me is smarter 'dan you." The troglodyte muttered to the widget repairman.
"I understand that you have a complacent state of mind in your position of data entry. Your mockeries of my technical expertise in widget fluid dynamics are quite the impressive showing of intellect on your behalf. I am socially and intelligently unequal to a primordial being such as yourself and express my deepest apologies for not being able to compromise with dynamic conversation that can stimulate your mind." The widget repairman stated.
"Me was gonna fix 'da widget me self, but me can no feegur out how to open 'da door to ghet to 'da widget. I bet you no not know 'dat the world be on turtles.." the caveman said.
PS - Thank you Stephen Hawking.
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